To Persevere

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

Sir Winston Churchill

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Fear and Failure

"The essence of warriorship, or the essence of human bravery, is refusing to give up on anyone or anything." Chogyam Trungpa

I set goals and fail to meet them; my work schedule is onerous. Finding time to train is thwarted by circumstance at every turn. I am tempted to give up. I want to quit, to dropout.

Circumstances make me feel defeated and it is this feeling of failure and not the true nature of failure that causes many to succumb and surrender. The truth about discrete events of failure is that the derivative negative perceptions are merely a function of a lack of perspective, delusion, not perceiving the true nature of things.

We often suppose that the path to success is one of consistent forward progress. The reality is that success and accomplishment are achieved only in the face of successive failure. It is not a straight and smooth path but winding and difficult. Indeed, the proper response to defeat is a key to achievement. "He who will not be defeated, cannot be defeated." This is a Navy Seal maxim which admits of no defeat. But note, implicit in this maxim is the presumption of adversity and temporary set back. For where there is no challenge of defeat, there cannot be the exercise of bravery. This is also the ethos of the ancient Ninja, whose creed was survival begotten of endurance. You are only defeated when you cease to strive; when you despair of your goal and quit.

The scriptures say that a just man falls seven times but rises up again. (Proverbs 24:16) Just men fall! But, just men do not remain prostrate in the dust. He rises again and again admitting no defeat. The failures of yesterday have passed as a mist. We live under the sun at this moment. Will you press on? Just men do. Warriors do.

Hatsumi Sensei is fond of saying, "just keep training." Well, that's all there is to it.

Measuring Out My Life In Coffee Spoons

T.S. Eliot (1888–1965).

Prufrock and Other Observations. 1917.

1. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock


S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.


LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats 5
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question … 10
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, 15
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, 20
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; 25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate; 30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go 35
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— 40
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare 45
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, 50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all— 55
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? 60
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress 65
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets 70
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! 75
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? 80
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, 85
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while, 90
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”— 95
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while, 100
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: 105
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”
. . . . . 110
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use, 115
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old … I grow old … 120
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me. 125

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown 130
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Eric Holder Hammered by Graham

Our Bushido, The 9-12 Project

"Bushi and Ninja are always prepared to offer their lives for the sake of their lord or village, and die serenely. It is a wonderful way to live...Yet I feel compelled to say that enduring to the end no matter what happens, persevering with life despite being prepared for death at any time, is actually the secret of Bushido. This means treasuring the lifestyle of the Ninja, living as a shadow of your true purpose, and doing your utmost to survive."

--Masakki Hatsumi, Soke

The Dream Of Tomorrow

We dream a dream in which we move about through the course of our lives, buying, selling, working, training, acquiring an education, forming and maintaining families, all by dint of our power, the will-to-power. We dream a dream and imagine ourselves the captains of our fate, masters of the universe we survey. We fancy that we are in control and manage risk to the level of our taste. It is a dream and as such, finds no basis in the real. So it is of combat. We think we manage the innumerable combinations of possibilities by the power of our practiced skill. However, the strong are often conquered by the weak; a giant fell to a boy wielding a strap of leather and common stones. The truth is simply ignored. The dream casts its pall and we throw ourselves headlong into the unknown with blithe indifference. But, eventually, the unpleasant reality of the objective intrudes into our subjective stupor. Our true relationship to the objective is not one of power. "For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14 Can a vapor rage against the storm and bend it to it's infinitesimally small power? Hardly. Whether you care to recognize the fact or not, you have your life only so long as Providence deigns to extend it. It is by Him that we live, move, and have our being. The management of risk, ultimately, is illusory. We must proceed by faith or not at all and live in harmony with the Divine Will. Man's purpose is to do the will of his Creator. In this path, the true Shinobi finds peace and contentment. For what is life and death to the man who moves by the Divine Purpose, having found peace with God through Christ our Lord?

The unpleasant truth is that we only have now. Mu shin--no mind, teaches this. By it we come to understand that what we do now we must do with full concentration in the present. What of the past? What of the future? In view of the limited sphere of our influence we should give ourselves over wholly to the task at hand. Bend the full resources of your mind to the accomplishment of the goal in full understanding the the accomplishment is resultant of the Divine prerogative. But in view of the end to which we all proceed, we aught to give deep thought to our relationship to God--the ultimate ground of reality.

In light of complete uncertainty, how do rational beings maintain sanity? One may simply ignore the nature of one's existence and dream on until the day of harsh awakening; or, one may meet the vicissitudes of life with faith. "For that ye aught to say, if the Lord will, we shall live, and do this or that." James 4:15 In this we find the absolute measure of our lives: if the Lord will. In this is complete assurance. Here, the warrior may find complete peace and preparation for the uncertainties of battle and the finality of death. Only in recognizing the reality of the Divine hand of Providence can one meet reality rationally, as a man.

Tomorrow is the dream. You may meet the reality of eternity within the next moment. Burn an incense and carefully observe the tenuous curl of smoke. In the sinuous coils, see the span of your life.

"There is a poem from martial arts' history which reads: 'People think they perform their techniques themselves...unaware that their bodies are guided by the gods.' Those intent on 'putting on' techniques or becoming more skillful are sure to fail in the long run. It is more important to move in step with the gods, maintain an disinterested attitude, keep control over one's own emotions, and retain a sensibility which goes beyond the everyday." Masaaki Hatsumi, Soke

Protecting The Good

For those who do not understand the way of Budo, it may seem strange that I have added the following video. If that is your feeling, then take a few moments to free your mind from staid and monolithic attitudes inculcated by popular society. The Ninja were decidedly non-conformist and worked incessantly to preserve the freedom of their families and clans. Our nation faces a threat from a modern Shogun who attempts to coalesce his power and limit the freedom of the individual. The Shinobi Spirit lives on in the heart of the following orator. Bufu Ikkan!

"The ultimate purpose of real martial arts is to maintain peace and freedom."

"The taijutsu that I teach is founded in freedom, and the feeling that we are looking for arises out of freedom of movement. This freedom is so important. A person who does not appreciate how precious freedom is cannot understand my taijutsu."

"The Mission of the Bujinkan is to protect the good."

Dr. Masaaki Hatsumi, Soke The Grandmasters Book Of Ninja Training

David Carradine 1936-2009

David Carradine, known best for his role in the t.v. series Kung Fu and in the Kill Bill movie series, died today. His body was discovered in his hotel room in Bangkok, Thailand. There has been speculation that his death was the result of suicide. Be that as it may, the outcome is the same; whether by his own hand or through natural causes, he has met with the fate that awaits us all. His death is a reminder of the transient and ephemeral nature of life. A reminder that we must treasure our moments and prepare for death. 

"Yet I feel compelled to say that enduring to the end no matter what happens, persevering with life despite being prepared for death at any time, is actually the secret of Bushido. This means treasuring the lifestyle of the Ninja, living as a shadow of your true purpose, and doing your utmost to survive." Masaaki Hatsumi, Soke

Yet, the death of the physical body is not the ultimate effect. I put it in terms of cause and effect because the ultimate effect of death is the eternal separation of man and his God. The cause is thus: "and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned." Romans 5:12 To persevere with life, to be prepared for death, to know the secret of Bushido, one must know the secret of eternal life: "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:1,2

Summer grass

All that remains

Of the warrior's dreams

(Basho)

If you wish to send a message of condolance to the Carradine family you may do so at www.david-carradine.com

The Spirit of Nin-Po

"If you persevere in Ninjutsu as I have done, you will come to discern the ocean of difference that lies between things seen with true eyes, observed using the intuitive "feeling" you develop in this art, and those seen through the glass eyes of people who have not trained at all." Massaki Hatsumi, Soke The Way Of The Ninja; Secret Techniques pg. 142

Juppo Sessho

I began a walk in the woods, as most, carrying much more than the items in my pack. April 30th, 2009 I set out with a group of friends to conquer a small bit of the Appalachian Trail (AT)--a mere 24 miles in three days. We set off in the morning as day hikers, the bottom of the trekker scale. 

At the pinnacle of the AT trekker hierarchy are the through hikers, those souls with the temerity to challenge the AT from stem to stern in one epic slog. Next, stand the segment hikers who devour the AT in multi week segments. These are the men and women with jobs who attack the daunting AT during bouts of vacation. But, I set off, with my friends, as a duffer, one who merely plays at the solemn task of casting off a watch, hygiene, and any care for the outside world for the solitude of over a thousand miles of forested trail. The AT is, indeed, a world apart with it's own nouveau hippie culture complete with peculiar customs and courtesies; chief of which is the primacy of the through hiker. To me, the distinctions are pretensions; most everyone is there for the same purpose--to experience an ancient simplicity. The experience is not imparted based on the duration of one's pilgrimage but is granted to those who measure their plodding steps with care. The exertion that the AT exacts and the staid majesty of the forest's ancient wooden sentinels quickly divest one of all but the most necessary and elemental burdens.  

And, so, we set off North bound on a portion of the AT which meanders along the boarder of North Carolina and Tennessee.  In three days time, we were to emerge from the verdant wood in Erwin, TN at Uncle Johnny's Nolichucky Hostel and Outfitters. For the first day, we were scheduled to trek 8 miles from Sam's Gap to the Bald Mountain shelter. Sam's Gap lies at approximately 3,800 feet above sea level. Between me and the first shelter lay Big Bald, another 1,716 feet in elevation at 5,516 feet. It might as well have been the summit of Mt. Everest. 

I quickly discovered that I was incontrovertibly a duffer at this business of AT trekking. My pack, including a fanny pack, tipped the scales at 55 lbs. I had everything one could ever hope to use in the deep and dark woods. Items that I still consider essential: a S&W model 686, stainless steel finish, chambered in .44 magnum (for use against disagreeable four and two legged mammals, or against any surviving dinosaurs that may still be lurking amongst the trees); 18 rounds of additional .44 magnum ammunition (six rounds in a speed loader); head lamp (invaluable as I  relocated my tent during the middle of the night); and my Sweet Water pump (which rescued me from perishing of thirst on the second day). An item which I wish I had carried: a portable cardiac arrest machine for use during my near heart-stopping assent to the Big Bald. 

Big Bald was breath taking. The summit is kept bald of trees and offers a panoramic view of the Smokey Mountain Range. I reached the summit, long after the rest of my cohorts, in a stiff wind that gusted to 30 mph or so and in fading light. So, I didn't have long to appreciate the view of the blue-grey rolling hills and mountains under a grey and blustery sky. I synched down my boonie hat and plodded on. I reached the Big Bald shelter about 30 minutes after the rest of my group. I consoled myself with the thought that I was lugging about a much heavier pack and was, de facto, much tougher. Never mind the stupidity of carrying about items that I would never end up using, such as an extra cooking pot and lid or 10 extra lithium batteries for my 107 lumens surefire flashlight--bright enough to permanently blind a charging grizzly bear at 100 yards. Light was fading fast, so I set about setting up my tent in a stiff wind, bending the trees in creaking groans.  My journal entry for that evening was, "8 miles + 55 lbs of gear=PAIN." 

That evening, I was exhausted but could not find sleep. I felt anxious, uncomfortable, with a vague sense of foreboding. The trees groaned uncomfortably, bending painfully in the buffeting gusts. I unzipped my tent and stuck my head out to gaze at the sky. It was then I noticed that I had expertly placed my tent next to a dead tree, slumping 40 feet from the leafy loam to a precarious rest on an adjacent tree. For me, this became both a moment of appreciation and understanding. Appreciation for the still small voice of Providence and a wider understanding of the nin-po principal of Juppo Sessho. 

Juppo Sessho no Jutsu means literally, "contact in ten directions."  "One can interpret this as indicating that Budo and Ninjutsu exist both inside and outside the box; indeed at a level totally beyond everything else." Masaaki Hatsumi, The Way Of The Ninja: Secret Techniques. Juppo Sessho is a vast idea that suggests a different mode of thinking and perception. It includes the idea of foresight and perception. Soke Hatsumi says that the vast majority of people go through life "sleep walking." People move through their daily lives insulated from those about them and the environment they live in. This is death. Modernity propagates this sleep walking as it limits man's potential by ignoring the Divine, the spiritual, and limiting man's experience to a shabby and primitive materialism. There is a connectivity between humans and to fail to realize this leaves one vulnerable. There is a connectivity with our natural environment and to fail to realize this isolates man from his natural possession. The Ninja maintained a vigil, a conscious communion with God's creation and, therefore, were able to sense a reality hidden from men of lesser awareness. For me, there can be no complete Juppo Sessho apart from Divine enlightenment. How can one be truly aware if you do not enjoy an awareness of the ultimate reality--a personal relationship with God? 

The tree did not fall. It would certainly make a better story if it had. Perhaps, it did not fall because I moved. Who can say? I moved my tent in the middle of the night. And, I fell into a restful sleep, lulled by the breath of the Divine, whispering to me through naked branches and rustling leaves. 

"For in him we live, and move, and have our being." Acts 17:28   

"In other words, the combination of the two great elements of the Dragon and the Tiger, having foresight and being certain of victory, is seen to be an important aspect of Budo. Martial artists who cannot develop this natural ability to predict, sense, and see through things will never achieve the proverbial '100 victories in 100 fights,' let alone '100 lives in 100 lights' (i.e. gaining enlightenment in each existence.)" Masaaki Hatsumi, The Way Of The Ninja: Secret Techniques pg. 176